On Usher, Sex, and the Fake Fat Friendly Black Community

I’m sure by now you’ve heard, and if you haven’t, a quick google search or twitter search will get you up to speed real quick. I don’t want to too much dwell on the Usher situation, but there’s a conversation that comes out of it I want to address:

The Black community is FAKE fat friendly.

And perhaps other people don’t know it yet. We haven’t admitted it yet. And I’m tired of giving credit where it’s not due.  Fat shaming is not just a white thing as I feel like I had been lead to believe when I was younger. Consider the “white girl finds fried chicken” idea. Remember Bring it on 2? Where the white girl cheerleader who loved anything Ms. Debbie was shamed and isolated until the end when she found solace in the black girl cheerleader who dubbed her a homie for her love of cheap cakes.

To be clear, I’m generally focusing within the United States, I’m aware that there are potential variables to this broad brush of “black community”. Anyway, if you’ve believed that the black community is welcoming arms for black fat women, I’m here to tell you that you’ve understood wrong. Black women do so get fat shamed within. There’s a lot of “skinny women oppression” cries by slim black girls. To be frank, I’m tired of hearing it, due to the premises it’s based on. But I do understand each person has their own meter for what they can take. The problem with that though is not that fat is preferred, “Thick” is preferred. And that is a whole other thing I won’t get into in this post. Thick in this sense explicitly means a girl who is slim who has wider hips, a butt that pokes out, and larger breasts. Slim girls are NOT being oppressed by the concept of a fat girl. And at the end of the day, the preference is slim girl over a fat girl if someone had to stray from the ideal Instagram body goals girl. So let’s please not.

If when you’re having an argument with a “fat” girl, your frustration has you resort to “whatever, you fat bitch”, then Congratulations, you are not fat friendly. There are black men who date fat black women who have insulted them based on their fatness. There are black women with fat friends who have called them fat bitches in the heat of the moment. Peep Love and Hip Hop. The number of times Teairra Mari got called a fat bitch in arguments. The number of times any cast member in any of the seasons resorted to “fat bitch” as an insult. And it’s not even that these women are fat. It’s that the concept of someone being fat is SO LOW that no one would want to be identified with it, thus making it a golden insult. That’s the problem.

Men who will claim they love stretch marks and cellulite but will only like em on smaller women are not to be celebrated for that. I see through that too.

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As far as this Usher thing goes, he is CLEARLY, nobody’s prized catch right now. And if true, hasn’t been for several years. His situation is unfortunate, but it’s still his situation. The same people who were all “Let it Burn” and laughing last week, are now like burn or not, he wouldn’t have touched that “fat bitch” with a 10-foot pole. It’s not even amusing. People who thought this man was a reject because of his status, now thinks that a fat black woman is so much more of a reject that she is below Usher on some totem pole of acceptability. And I’m here to call bullshit.

I’m also here to say that on behalf of all fat black women who have been fat shamed by family members, boyfriends, bed buddies, best friends, etc, EFF YOU. And for those on the outside that think the black community just has extended arms for all things jiggly, STOP. We’re out here killing for waist trainers and drinking smoothies like everybody else. And before you seek out a picture of me and tell me I’m not fat or not “that” big (cuz I’ve heard that before), resist the urge to do so. I’ve been called fat more times than I care to remember. I’ve had interventions done on behalf of my BMI, which says that I’m in fact Morbidly Obese. I wear a size 14 on a regular day, 12 on a good day, 16 when shit got real. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been made to identify with fatness and I’m comfortable staying in that place now.

But what I won’t do is sit quietly while your homeboy who has sex with fat girls on the sneak in his momma’s house, or your homegirl who be needing that fat friend to watch her kids all the time, tell me that Usher is “too good” for a fat girl.

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10 thoughts on “On Usher, Sex, and the Fake Fat Friendly Black Community

  1. I agree. I had a friend try to say the bigger young lady was lying about being intimate with Usher. She could very well be lying but my friends assumption was that she must be lying because there’s no way he’d be with a bigger woman. It was ridiculous.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! This summer, I had the opportunity to perform in a devised piece called “Saturated Fat” that examines the idea of fat bodies and they way in which they are percieved in different settings. It was very eye opening. I’m petite but thick (looking at my chest only, you would think that i was a lot bigger than I really am) but I have always struggled with my size due to the profession that I am in (theatre). Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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